ARIJIT

Arijit

Now that I have started blogging, thinking I would get my peace putting my thoughts to words, I am faced with a troubling situation. It is getting difficult to choose whom to write about. But my conscience screams out to me to tell the stories of all those whom are generally not discussed over the café coffee day ice tea (irony), the scraps and the ever prevailing “back-biting and gangism”. I am an instinctive person and more often than not it leads me to trouble, but what the heck. Arijit won’t kill me for the following lines.

Ask any batch mate of mine to describe what comes to his mind when the solemn word Arijit is mentioned. A good 90% would tell you how his “balls” saved him from each and every situation. And I am not talking about the common everyday meaning of the afore mentioned word, I am referring to the physical attributes. Yuck, I know. Its flows something like this.

We in Vidyapith were a lazy lot. And moreover nobody would love to get up 5.30 in the morning, dress up in a dhoti, go to a prayer hall, sing god knows what and then get ready for the morning drill in 5 minutes. So we all somehow or the other made excuses to avoid it by producing some medical slips. It used to be a sight. Shakti Maharaj (our chief warden and the fiercest man I have come across) would check each case himself. A doubt of less than .001% would mean that the kid with the so called problem would now get spanked and would be left to actually get hospitalized. But one boy from our batch would stand there confident, laughing, pitying us. You have guessed it. It was Arijit. He claimed to have this medical condition in which he had some fluid in his balls. Something called  Hydrocil. I have never come across any other creature with the same problem so it falls beyond the realm of my limited understanding to make you understand what it was.

Arijit got splendid mileage for his condition. Teachers did not shout at him, wardens did not spank at him. Who wanted to be labeled as the guy who burst that holy bubble and be hated for the rest of his life? Men compare everything. From the size of their cars to the size of their …. Arijit would always have a calm to him when we started comparing. Dude, you had the trump.

Arijit though once got the crap slapped out of him. That too from a fucking driver, man. There was this driver, Bhagirath da, a confidante of the chief warden. One day when Bhagirath was carrying some sweets, boys swamped him for obvious reasons. What followed was perhaps the most embarrassing moment for this great soul. He got slapped. SG (we all know him)who was close, to make it worse, noticed it and made sure that Arijit could never forget what had just happened to him by constantly reminding him that a driver had slapped him. Abhipreet thanks for sharing this; I am sure Arijit loves to remember it as much as I do. I guess Bhagirath did not know about the Holy balls.

Much talk about his you-know-what. Arijit was the Javagal Srinath of the rest cricket team. He would be one of the lucky ones to complete two overs in one play time or stop the ball before it hit the fences. I too wanted him in my class 10^th cricket team. His know how of the football teams and their players was amazing at first and repetitive later. We all concluded that he knew some names and he made all kinds of stories about them.

He and Tamal da (yeah the fainter) would spend endless nights discussing the new Indian team before each match. Had there been pure democracy in this nation, he would be the co-head of the Indian cricket board. They would mercilessly dissect the form of every poor performance and suggest the swap with a new player. Ganguly would have been such a happy captain with this Bong selector. Oh yes, Ari is a bong, from Siliguri.

You can call me a sadist, but it was so much fun to fight with Arijit. Quarrel to be more exact. He would never fucking look at you. Only God knows why he would look 3 feet above your head when he would try to make a point. I guess the notion of creating fear in the opposition by mere staring would never hold good in his case. We would be so amused and would pick up topics to stoke the fire in Arijit. He would never disappoint.

Last that I know of Arijit was that he was doing his Aeronautical engineering in Pune, I even had a small talk with him over the phone once. I thanked God that he would only make and repair planes and never ever get into one. At very high altitudes, the pressure difference could result in his balls to burst. Now no body wants that man. Every guy wants to have friends who have the balls.

 

N.B. : This post can be distasteful and disgusting to few, but I have tried to do full justice to what I had in mind. Arijit is so going to kill me for this.